I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
