We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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