You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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