I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
