I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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