Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
