Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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