oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
