Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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