Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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