Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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