if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
