I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize