You smell like stripper and shame
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
