Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
