her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
as a side note pls kill me
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
