Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
