loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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