smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
