My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
