She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
