When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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