Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Fuck appropriateness.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
