you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
