and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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