your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
your room smells of hookers.
And success
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
