Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I wish you could order shots online.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
