HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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