A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
