Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
