Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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