i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
