sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
