we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
