those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
