I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
