Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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