it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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