i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
