So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
