Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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