I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
