p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
