He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
They took my balls.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
