What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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