One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
