Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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