I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Who did Billy Mays play for?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
