Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
