Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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