Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
