The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
