the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
is wine microwaveable?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
