I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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