life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
