you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
