This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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