How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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