This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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