i already hear my dad disowning me
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
