Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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