Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
