don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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