my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
