As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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