you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
