i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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