So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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