they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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