sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
