what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
