I hate your face
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
